It Suits You Well
When it comes to what the couple should wear for their rainbow wedding, the sky’s the limit.
Once upon a time, brides wore elaborate white dresses and grooms wore suits complete with morning coats, ascots and top hats to their weddings. The times have undeniably changed, and while we can benefit from being informed by tradition, we need not be incarcerated by it.
The terms we use to refer to the happy couple – bride and groom – come with clear gender associations, reflecting feminine and masculine archetypes. Many same-sex couples feel perfectly comfortable with these, especially women, with one wearing a glorious gown and the other a finely-tailored suit. Other lesbian lovebirds will both appear in dresses or alternatively, each one will sport a suit. And let’s not forget to mention the hot new trend in pantsuits, even jumpsuits, for a Halston-style retro 70s trip down the aisle.
There tends to be less variance among gay men tying the knot, at least in terms of reflecting gender norms, but don’t let that stop you. If you’re a middle-aged man with a bit of a belly and a big bushy beard but want to wear a sweet frilly frock, then by all means, do it!
Concepts of gender identity are shifting and fashions are fluid. This is as true for LGBTQ+ wedding attire as it is for society as a whole.
The message is clear: it’s your wedding, do what you want. Be sure, though, to talk it all over with your partner. This might seem to be stating the obvious, but it cannot be emphasised enough. Some people withhold what they want to wear from their future spouse out of fear of disapproval, while others simply want to surprise their sweety on the big day. Attire, though, is often the physical element of a nuptial celebration that stands most firmly fixed in memory. Discuss it, negotiate, and come to agreements with which you will both be comfortable and happy.
Coordination is Key
One of the first things you’ll need to decide together is general style. There is certainly no need to pick a theme (it’s a wedding, not a costume party… unless, of course, you want a bal masqué, which can be a lot of fun!), but a degree of coordination is advisable. Twinning can be winning, but your outfits don’t have to match in order to work together. If you both choose to wear suits, for example, you might elect to honour an earlier age and go with matching dark trousers and white shirts but with morning coats and ties of different colours. Consider the same sorts of coordinated contrasts if you decide on a look that Versace or Dolce&Gabanna might have concocted.
The same holds true for dresses, or combinations of a dress and a suit. Whether BoHo chic, rustic romance, or playfully casual, you can choose garments in compatible pastels, fabrics in similar textures, or accessories in bold prints or colours.
If you do want to save the Big Reveal for the Big Day, there are still a few things you can do ahead of time to ensure that the surprise is a welcome one. The first step remains the same as above: pick a mood, the overall style or dress code. You don’t want to be walking down the aisle looking like you’ve dressed for different parties.
Another suggestion is to have the same friend go shopping with both of you. That way they can help steer you away from problematic pairings without giving away any secrets. This effort can also be aided by buying at the same boutique or visiting the same designer. In that case, the store staff can also assist in the coordination effort.
Don’t hesitate to ask! You may be pleasantly surprised by how helpful most people are ready to be, and not just because they stand to shed you of a few quid. The fact that civil partnerships, and indeed marriages, are an option for all of us is still fairly new. This generates a degree of excitement, and those whose job it is to help you prepare for your celebration will frequently go well out of their way not only to assist but to support.
And, of course, you can always rely on your wedding planner to help sort through the options and identify your preferences. This is especially helpful for Location Weddings. More and more people getting hitched abroad prefer to purchase their wedding clothes on location to avoid having to lug them along when they travel. Shopping is built into the itinerary when the betrothed go to scope out venues. Measurements are taken, orders are made, and the couple return to the venue a few days before the big event for final fittings, to review arrangements, the stag/hen do, etc. This also makes it easy to select forms, fabrics and/or accessories that reflect the country where you’ll be tying the knot, thus underscoring the individuality and particularity of your wedding.
Don’t Forget Your Knickers
Others may not see it, but what you’ve got against your skin, in intimate places as you declare your commitment in public places, is of paramount importance. Look for something luxurious. It can be simple, but let it be sensual. A sweet satin camisole, a soft silk teddy, boxer shorts in fine fabrics, a sexy set of micro-briefs, or loose lace panties with stockings and braces (made for people with a ‘package’ as well)… there is a plethora of possibilities. No one else may know what’s going on down there, but you will. And after all of the sharing with friends and family is over and you retire to the boudoir, you’ll have one last little treat to unwrap for your new spouse at the end of a long day.
In short, it’s your day, do what you want. The problem for many in our community for so long was not having options. Now we’ve got so many that we often don’t know how to find our way through them! It can all be rather daunting, but what a luxury that is. Let what you wear reflect that luxury, and wear your heart on your sleeve!